What the sense in that?....

Do you remember doing school projects on senses? Most of us are blessed with 5 senses with which we explore and experience the world. But our senses are also at work when we experience trauma. In fact there is some evidence that suggests our senses go into overdrive when we are experiencing a traumatic event.

If you have experienced something truly awful, a car crash, the death of a loved one, or something similarly traumatic, the chances are, there will be certain smells, sounds etc., which you avoid because they remind you of that trauma.Our third child was born in very difficult circumstances & spent some weeks in a Special care baby unit. Even now, many years later, I find it hard to cope with the sound of certain hospital equipment.

Many adopted and looked after children have experienced really horrifying abuse & neglect and become easily re-traumatised by, sights, smells, sounds, tastes and yes, even touch. I read recently of little boys who started cowering beside the bed when their adopted dad was taking off his belt to change after work. For them, the sight of dad taking off his belt meant they were in for a beating. Similarly, some of our children may find themselves unable to use public, or school toilets because the smell of urine triggers a memory of being left in urine soaked sheets or nappies, sometimes for days on end. They may not be able to verbalise that sense of fear but will behave in a way that lets us know they are not coping. Sadly these behaviours are all too often dismissed as naughtiness or stubbornness, or just bizarre.

I was reminded of this very recently. Our adopted daughter is at an age where she is losing milk teeth. One lunch time she started shrieking and clutching her mouth. She had bitten hard on her food and made a wobbly tooth bleed. She put her fingers in her mouth & pulled them out with blood on & immediately began to panic.We went through to the bathroom by which time she was shaking and screaming. To an outsider this would probably have looked like an attack of melodramatics but actually the sight of blood had transported her back into previous trauma & it took some time to talk her through the whole situation until she felt calm again.

What if your child's teacher had the same aftershave as her abuser. Could she be blamed for freaking out anytime he came near her? Not very convenient, but very understandable.
What if a certain type of music had been playing in the background when dad beat up mum. Wouldn't you expect that child to react when they heard that music again?
Sadly, we don't always know what has triggered a reaction in our children, but we can be fairly sure that if they start behaving in what seems an unusual or over dramatic way, something has caused them to be re-traumatised. It's so important to discover as much as we can about our children's experiences pre-adoption so that we can support them through these difficult situations. We can't change the past, but what we do in the present, can certainly affect the future.