Preparing for Mothers Day

Mothers Day is another one of those celebrations where two very different world views meet in adoptive families, causing some difficult situations. Many adoptive mums have waited years to be able to celebrate being a mum and suffered many painful experiences along the way. Having arrived at motherhood, most of us hope for a happy Mothers day, with a little appreciation or recognition. Perhaps a flower or card, or a hug & a thank you. But we are looking at the world from a point of view where mums are nice people, who love & look after their children; a world where mothering is something to be celebrated.

Sadly, our adopted children arrive in our families with a very different perspective. In their experience, mums are not always nice people. In fact, they may well abuse or neglect their children, and worse still, they may abandon them to the care of others. What is there to celebrate?! How are they to know that this new mummy will be any different? It takes a lot of time and patience to gradually begin to challenge this distorted view of life.

 I remember our first few Mothers Days post-adoption, being pretty miserable, with lots of difficult behaviours to manage. I usually ended the day feeling rather exhausted and unappreciated. But a couple of years ago I noticed something had changed..........me! This particular Mothers Day, our church was giving out pot plants for children to give to their mums (& to other ladies in the church.) Our little girl went to get a plant for me, but on her return, she put it in her toy pet carrier and told me she was looking after it for me. In previous years that would have really annoyed me, but I found myself smiling and nodding that I understood. And I did! Finally I'd got it. She wasn't being spiteful or difficult, she just genuinely couldn't manage to give the plant to me at that moment & I really understood how hard it was for her. Even so, I was able to celebrate that she had gone to get the plant & that she hadn't thrown it at me...... and who knows, maybe one year she will be able to give me a plant?!

Brian Post says that parenting damaged children is a gift to help you acknowledge & deal with your own issues. I don't know if he's right but I have seen God at work in my heart, and in the hearts of our whole family, as well as in our little girl. We are all changing.

So, this year, in preparing for Mothers Day, maybe we need to lower our expectations a little; understanding that our adopted children may view life differently. Maybe we should let them know that we understand how hard it is for them.
And if you have friends who are adoptive mums, give them a hug & a smile, they might just need it! :)

Seeking the Lighthouse

Wendy Grant's new book 'Seeking the Lighthouse' is now available from www.tlmtrading.com

"In life, there are times when fog descends and God seems far away, this might be the result of depression, redundancy, the loss of a loved one, a broken relationship or similar. This splendid little book is a collection of thoughts and prayers gathered on a journey through fog. It will encourage and reassure anyone who is finding it hard to discern God's presence in their life and perhaps point them towards the light that will safely guide them through the fog and towards the discovery that God has been there all the time." - Seeking the Lighthouse blurb

What really matters?

Firstly, apologies for the blog ‘diversion’.  It just makes it easier for us to update. I hope you found it ok.

Recently, I’ve been reading a book called, ‘The Incredible Journey’, with our youngest daughter. (We’ve had to miss out a few of the more scary/gory bits!) Unexpectedly, the Lord has used it to challenge my thinking. For those of you who haven’t read it, it’s a story about 2 dogs and a cat, who travel hundreds of miles across some of Canada’s most inhospitable terrain to be reunited with their master. They are often attacked, half starved & half drowned: occasionally they stumble across humans who feed & tend them, make them comfortable & offer them a home. But the animals, particularly the leader, Luath, a young Labrador Retriever , are unyielding in their determination to make it back to their master, and only ever stay in a place long enough to gain strength for the remainder of the journey. The final pages of the book were very emotional, as the writer describes the animals, exhausted, skinny & with many battle scars, being reunited with their master. And, because they were with him & finally safe, nothing else seemed to matter.

We’ve been having a challenging time recently. Occasionally I have questioned the sensibility of a second adoption. I’m not an adventurer by nature. I prefer to be safe & comfortable! While we were reading this book, I was aware that when the animals found safety, warmth etc., I was inwardly urging them to stay put & give up on the journey!  I am conscious that I easily lose sight of my ultimate destination; to be reunited with my Heavenly Father, and hopefully hear those words, “Well done, good and faithful servant”.

 When we are called to intervene in the lives of damaged and hurting children, in an attempt to bring some of God’s healing into their lives, we are entering enemy territory. We shouldn’t be surprised that we come under fire, but I confess I often forget that and wonder why my life is a little difficult at times! ‘The incredible journey’ reminded me that, whilst  I may well collect battle scars along the way, and become exhausted from time to time,  I must only rest for long enough to gain strength for the rest of the journey. I must not give in to the temptation to trade comfort for pursuing God’s calling.

The second thing that struck me whilst we were reading this book, is the importance of travelling companions. The animals in the story, though all completely different, were the most loyal of companions, defending and protecting each other despite all the odds. When we travel alone we become very vulnerable. I am so thankful to God for my adoption companions. In our church we have a prayer group especially for adoptive families. It’s so good to meet with others who are travelling the same path of faith & also the same path of adoption. If you don’t yet have companions for your journey, I would urge you to ask God to show you who they might be. Together we are stronger!

 Phillipians 3:13&14 forgetting what is behind and straining towards what is ahead, I press on towards the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenwards in Christ Jesus.

I pray that each of us will find the strength to press on J